I thought that helping others was my gift to share. That I was given the ability to talk to anyone and create safe spaces to do that every single day, in every single interaction. It was an expectation I held myself to—that anyone who asked for my help needed me, and it was my duty to show up.
This ego-driven belief has led me to say YES to a lot of things and have more on my plate, at times, than I could handle. Even though there have been many good things that have come from saying YES (meeting new people, having new experiences…) it has led to me sacrificing a lot—and not always in a good way.
The binary of helping vs. healing came clearer to me yesterday. After a sweaty, hot yoga class of big detoxing, jedi-movement, and deep breaths, I was in savasana, asking myself what it is I needed to know to move forward.
This little voice (mine of course!), said “healing IS the gift.”
WOW! It hit me like a sledgehammer – I thought: I’ve been working my ass off for how long to “change the world” and now I need to focus on healing myself? I thought I did that work already (I’m laughing now writing this because we are neeeeverrrr done working on ourselves!).
Then the heaviness of this realization subsided and the magic came in and softened my shoulders and felt like weight sliding off my body. It’s always been about healing ourselves. Our greatest job isn’t to give and give until we have nothing left. Our bigger purpose is to take care of ourselves (and I’m not talking just the bubble bath and face mask self care).
When we heal ourselves, we change the world.
We talk about grand gestures of healing the world, and I do believe there is a time and place to advocate for others and to rise up collectively, but I think we’re missing the deeper message. I think we are ignoring healing ourselves—of looking inside and taking care of entrenched heaviness and deep desires—and instead continue to find ways to numb out.
For me, feeling like I am needed to “help others” has been a way for me to numb out and forget about the bigger work that needs to happen within. Sometimes people numb out with food, alcohol, Netflix, gossiping, shopping, or sleeping… I just happen to choose “work” because it keeps me busy and preoccupied.
I made a list yesterday of the things that are a Hell Yass—things that I want more of in my life—that fill me up and help me get closer to myself. I also made a Hell Nahh list, of the things that are taking me away from myself and leading me to numb out, and not look at and explore my own healing.
What have you been doing to numb out from looking inside? From healing?
The only thing we can control is ourselves. We are responsible for ourselves. Our thoughts. Our habits. Our choices. It is up to us to choose what we want more of and less of.
What goes in your Hell Yass column? What goes in your Hell Nahh column? It might not be a new year (#resolutions), but it’s always a good time to shift our focus. So from external numbing to laying a solid foundation of inner awareness we go…
The process of us healing is the gift we give to the world.
So what now? Expect a heck of a lot more sharing on my process of healing—what I’m doing to stay connected—including the things I’ll be saying HELL YASS and HELL NAHH to—and some of the NOs are biiiigggg! If you want some hype, come join our private facebook group: Lovely Human School
If you’ve been thinking that something needs to shift—that you need more time, more energy, more resources, this is IT. Implement easy self care today!
Feeling grateful and sending all my love (even more today!).